i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
