dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
