Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
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Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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