I think I am morally bankrupt
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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