How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
