ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
