Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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