How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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