But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
