On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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