They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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