I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
