I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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