i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
