we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
