this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
