Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
