Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
