I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
