we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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