My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just want to make out with him forever
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
