then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
