She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
