i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
