This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
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She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
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All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize