you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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