Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
