I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
