I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
