he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
