I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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