note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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