i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
