He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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