Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
