he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
