Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
