I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
