Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
