Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
