every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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