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On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
