So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you would pick up someone in the library
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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