So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
