3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.