Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
