Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.