Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.