So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box