Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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