you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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