If i come over, it means nothing
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
