remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize