i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
