Betty ford says i'm here all night
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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