i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
