WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dude. I can hear the air.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
