I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
