Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
there is puke in my bra ... again
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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