I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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