i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drake has all the answers
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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