I need help removing her.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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