Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
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Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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