you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
