i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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