I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
