you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
