the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
