You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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