its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
