Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
