Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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